the three golden rules to eating:
1) Have a meal or small snack every 3 to 4 hours. This
fuels your metabolism and helps prevent binges and blood
sugar crashes. 2) Combine protein (meat, fish, beans, nuts,
eggs, dairy) and fiber (whole grains, fruits, vegetables) at
every meal. When eaten together, these foods take longer to
digest than simpler carbohydrates, so you stay fuller,
longer. 3) Get up, move around, and drink water often.
If this is news to you. (it's not for me. "When I was rich"
I used the ZoneChefs* diet. True, I was a miserable fuck at
the time (money does NOT equate to happiness... like, AT ALL- so just PLEASE for the love of life itself stop trying, you're just making everyone else equally miserable in the process of your pursuit) so I probably complained about it.
I enjoyed the food immensely. I didn't enjoy the portions. Breaking out of eating LARGE amounts at every meal was the hardest thing for me to free myself from. I craved that unhealthy "full" feeling I would get. In retrospect. It was always pain, bloating and discomfort. And on Sundays, the feeling I was going to pop after a large meat and starch meal from a large pot of sauce my mom would make and the ::shudder:: memory of going back for "fourths" or "fifths".
For years I sought after the comfort that would accompany my pain. Of course a nap would ensue and this habit, and the idea of pleasing my Italian mother was very appealing, it still is
in an odd sadistic way- but I was causing hard-to-reverse damage to my body. Bit by bit every day.
But I digress,
ZoneChefs* really did help me regulate my metabolism and intake. Eating every three hours became more of a chore because I would often find I wasn't even hungry for my snacks between meals and i would have to FORCE myself to eat. This was an incredible break-through for me. 'Forcing' myself to eat- and the opposition NOT being the thought of vomit or breaking my stomach open with a cool CGI depiction a la '1,000 ways to die'
Long STORY (SLIGHTLY) short (er?) ? :
I did lose weight for the month I was on the ZoneChefs* diet. I may have griped it was "only" 10 lbs, but I wasn't working out at all at the time (I was very depressed, it was during the cold months and I hadn't been medicating either- I was still in denial about my chemical imbalances and very anti - science and the western world's way of prescribed equilibrium). Let's face it. I was practically a non-practising stay-at-home-actor-turned-scientologist with a coke problem.
Losing 10 lbs w/o exercise is MIRACULOUS. Truly. Truly. Truly miraculous. I know this now. True, I've always made sure that I "break a sweat at least once a day" (rule to live by) but it was still hardly the 20 minutes of daily cardio EVERYONE and their mother (and mine!) suggests.
* = zonechefs is a food delivery program. You wake up and find a little insulated satchel filled with 3 pre cooked meals and 3 snacks sitting outside your front door. Like magic elves or something. It's amazing and I wish I could afford to do this still. The key- like the start of this post- is to eat every 3 hours regardless of your mood/feelings/etc.
Our bodies are machines. We need a little maintenence every now and then so our programs can operate better in the future :-)
Since then, (this was probably 2005 or 2006)I've seen 3 nutritionists, kept a food diary, seen a slue of allergists and sought out the help of a life coach for a little over a year and I've read numerous studies and reports on the topic of health and eating. A good friend of mine who drinks coffee to hold himself over to lunch was shocked when I told him that even eating a few ounces of solid food would regulate his metabolism and prevent him from being ravenous by lunch. In short, things I divulged as 'common knowledge' were obviously not always. So I decided to share some of my findings with you:
wake up
“Before you put coffee, tea, or food into your body, it’s
best to first break your fast with a glass of water with
lemon,” says Ashley Koff, RD, a nutritionist in Los Angeles
and founder of ashleykoffapproved.com. When you sleep, Koff
says, your body isn’t just abstaining from food but from
water too. “Because many vitamins are water-soluble, having
a glass before you eat will help your body better absorb
nutrients from food.” The acidity of the lemon helps
rebalance your digestive tract by making it alkaline,
allowing “good” bacteria in your intestines to thrive and
facilitate optimal nutrient absorption.
7 am
This is your ideal fat-burning window, says Koff. A light
bout of cardio soon after you wake up and before you eat—a
20-minute walk with the dog, jumping jacks, or running up
and down stairs in your home, etc.—taps into your body’s
energy reserves.
7:30 AM: Breakfast
All of our experts loved oatmeal for breakfast. Have
one-half cup of uncooked oats or a packet of instant. “Your
body digests the fiber slowly, so you stay full for a couple
of hours,” says Brooke Alpert, MS, RD, founder of B
Nutritious
9 am
You know you’re supposed to have multiple glasses a day. But
it’s better to sip a little water all day long instead of
chugging a giant glass when you suddenly feel parched. If
you're ever 'feeling' thirsty. it's too late. you're already
dehydrated. And your body operating at a LACK Is NEVER a
good thing for any of your functions.
10:30 to 11 AM: Small Snack
Remember the golden rule: Eat every 3 to 4 hours to keep
your energy up and your stomach feeling full. When I was on
the Zonechefs diet, by the second week, the thought of a
binge seemed impossible. I was NEVER THAT HUNGRY.
I grew a little nauseas at the thought that just a couple of
weeks earlier I would devour 6 slices of pizza in one sitting
The healthier Jay hated the fatty Jay that used to occupy
his body.
For fiber and protein, try an apple with a string cheese or
a small ziplock baggie of nuts. “Everyone should have an
apple in her desk drawer,” says Alpert.
“They’re the perfect take-along snack—they don’t
bruise in your purse and they’re easy to eat anywhere.”
Alpert doesn't know about my Large Orange Knapsacks
from Old Navy. It's so cavernous that apples do bruise
inside there. As do babies.
Other myths that you may have heard that turn out to be
true:
'Sit whenever you eat.' it aids digestion processes and will
help combat the shits. Take smaller bites. Or as my mother
says "eat like a human!"
Try to drag out your snack or meals for as long as possible
If you can make your apple last for 10 to 15 minutes you're
doing the right thing.
I used to have cheese ravioli eating contests (fresh from
Pastosas on New Utrecht Avenue) with my father when I was
little boy. In retrospect hearing my mother tell my brother
and I "it's not a race!" when she would serve something
extra buttery and delicious seems almost laughable at the
contradictory nature of our condoned behaviours.
Research shows the more chewing you do, the more nutrients
your body absorbs. It also allows your body time to signal
your brain that it's receiving food. It can take up to 20
minutes for you to "realize" you've eaten. So in theory,
it's possible to eat 15 meals within 15 minutes and you
won't even feel full for another five. FACT!
(This is why everyone always speed-eats @ food competitions)
Noon: Water, Vitamin, and a Stroll around Manhattan
Let's face it. NO ONE eats lunch @ noon. Even when I've held
9 - 5's people will take their lunch break at noon and then
feast at their desks at 3 pm. Our days in NYC are LOOONG
and tiring so let's adjust our schedule to reflect our lifestyles
accurately. "Finish your glass, refill it, and swallow your
multivitamin. I recommend clients take their multi shortly
before lunch because the B vitamins and certain minerals
help your body utilize carbs so you have more post-meal
energy,” A friend recently told me how drinking the small 8
ounce bottles of Poland Spring would "re-energize" him. This
same person marveled just two months earlier how taking a
daily multivitamin changed his nearly changed his life. I
was really proud of him, and still am. Health, like anything
else, is a series of little tricks and rules to live by and
to follow.
1:30 - 2 pm. Lunch.
Salad. I know it sucks but if you really wanna be healthy
this is what EVERYONE recommends. If you're going to
drown ranch or thousand island dressing all over it like
chocolate syrup or fudge on a sundae- then guess what. you
might as well have gone to McDonalds. Salad dressings are
sugar and crap! Their serving suggestion is measured in
increments of 2 table spoons! I see dumb moronic fuckers
eating 2,000 calorie salads for lunch every day and fucking
grinning and nodding about it thinking they're sacrificing or
something. I can't consult with everyone. I can only Blog!
SO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF SATAN
stick to the vinaigrette's :-)
Here's a tip from Prevention.com:
"Before you eat that fettuccine, enjoy a salad with this
dressing: Whisk 3 tablespoons vinegar, 2 tablespoons
flaxseed oil, 1 clove garlic (crushed), 1/4 teaspoon honey,
3 tablespoons yogurt, and salt and freshly ground black
pepper to taste. (Makes four 2-tablespoon servings.) "
My new Years resolution was to quit colas. Of course I
missed the mark by a mile (I consumed nearly 2 liters of
Pepsi within five hours last night) but I am still trying.
Since moving back to Brooklyn in December, I've yet to
purchase a two-liter bottle of ANYTHING nor do I plan to.
Sure it may be more expensive if I need a couple of cola fixes,
but those urges simply aren't happening.
Having the 2-Litre bottle sitting in my fridge is just tempting
me.
So I find I'll drink less when I do drink it.
And I am ultimately saving money on soda since I will no
longer habitually replace a two liter every two days. Not to
mention it will probably save my life :-)
4:30 PM: Afternoon Snack
Welcome to the witching hour: Almost everyone needs to snack
between lunch and dinner, says Alpert. For a fiber-protein
mix, try a 6-ounce yogurt (the natural milk sugars help with
sweet cravings) and a handful of high-fiber cereal. Have a
banana with a tablespoon of peanut or almond butter. “Or
pick something fun,” says Koff, like an ounce of dark
chocolate (70% cacao). It’s packed with polyphenols, a type
of antioxidant shown to help lower blood pressure, keep your
brain sharp, and much much much much more!
"Trying to do everything right promotes an all-or-nothing
attitude," says Martin Binks, PhD, a psychologist at the
Duke Diet and Fitness Center in Durham, NC.
So if you can't do something perfectly (i.e., work out an
hour a day), you don't do anything at all (i.e., watch TV
instead). A better mindset: Believe that every little bit
counts. "It's small changes that are most effective," Binks
says.
I am notorious for dancing on subway platforms and doing
aerobics at my desk. Crunches in bed? you bet!
7:30 : DINNER TIME!
Start this meal off with soup, recommend our experts.
Studies show that people who do end up eating less overall.
Have a cup of a low-fat broth-based kind, like minestrone,
miso, or gazpacho. For the main meal, “I’d like to see a
nice portion, 3 or 4 ounces, of grilled wild salmon because
it has lean protein and provides healthy omega-3 fats,” says
Alpert. Add cooked vegetables like sautéed broccoli or
spinach and 1/2 cup of brown rice.
For a nonfish option, try turkey meatballs (roll in some
whole oats for extra fiber and spices for antioxidants) over
a bed of spaghetti squash, which has the texture of pasta
but counts as a veggie serving. Use 1/2 cup of tomato sauce,
and sprinkle a handful of pine nuts on top for extra crunchy
texture. Have water with dinner, ideally, but a small (4
ounce) glass of wine is fine from time to time, our
nutritionists concurred.
ALSO remember to eat by color.
Everyone knows to eat a lot of green leafy greens but did
you know you need some shades near black? some dark
purples and blue hues too? The darker fruits and veggies often
contain extra antioxidants, which you will need now that you
are EATING healthier and have MORE energy and SLEEP less.
Not that you're deprived, there is a difference, YOU were
over sleeping before. With that schedule you're accustomed
to you'd get ill on this 'newer-fitter-you' regiment.
Aiming to eat from at least three different color groups
(such as green, orange/yellow, red, white, and blue/purple)
a day will ensure you get a wide variety of nutrients.
10:00 Desert or snack
If you're going to be bad. Enjoy it! Savor it! but don't
over do it. try not to eat much more than 200 calories at
this time. That's the equivalent of a candy bar. That's a
LOT of empty calories to play with. If you have ice cream
augment it with fresh fruit instead of high fructose corn
syrup.
Be unusual. Half a muffin makes a great desert or snack.
(Never eat a whole one in one sitting, same applies to bagels.
Rule, when you do eat bread - ration it. Make a sandwich
with one slice of processed bread. Just fold and rip it in half.
it will satisfy you JUST as much as if you had the second slice,
I promise.)
You know how many slices of Wonderbread you can squish into
an over sized NY style bagel ? Think about it. Go ahead, visualize
this in your head right now. Roll them up like boogers and shove
them into the same amount of space as that grotesquely fat
cinnamon raisin bagel you get twice a week. Did you get 10 slices
of Wonderbread in there? That's right. 10 slices. Eating One NYC
deli bagel (the dunkin donuts variety are smaller and less dense
and fatty) is just as bad as eating ...
TEN SLICES OF WHITE BREAD. EW!!
11-12am Head to bed
Remember, this day started at 7 am. If your day starts at 10
am you can stay up til 3 am watching late night talk shows
and bad infomercials about being healthy.
Another golden rule is to aim for 7 to 8 hours of sleep a
night; less than that, and you up your risk for a host of
health problems, including weight gain, diabetes, high blood
pressure, and more, not to mention the odds that you’ll feel
more tired, frazzled, and likely to overeat the next day.
MORE THAN THAT, and these studies have been increasing in
popularity as of late. People who sleep over 8 or 9 hours a
night welcome cell mutations. That's right, precancer! Sure
Yogi Bear didn't die of a brain tumor but he's ursidae and
their sleeping habits affect them differently from primates
like you.
Drink another glass of water shortly before bed or keep a
glass by your nightstand. Give yourself plenty of time to
wind down with a calming routine, such as a bath or reading
in bed. We are creatures of habit.
Another good habit:
Eating an apple BEFORE bed.If you hate mornings (like I do)
and find yourself staring at the ceiling cursing your existence
and trying to muster up the strength to rise then this is for
you. A single apple contains 3x the amount of natural caffeine
found in one serving of coffee (who drinks only one cup anyway?)
Mix that with the sugar and your apple will save yourself
from saying "fuck my life!" in the mornings.
I learned about this trick from Ozzy Osbourne of
all people when I was still in JHS. But I did my homework on
it and it seems to be true! It's always worked for me. Whenever
I have a grueling day planned. I eat an apple before bed and
everything runs a little smoother in the AM.
Now before I go (and you get to say "See! I TOLD YOU Jay
Sharp was a CRAZY CONTROL FREAK!" )I have one more
tidbit for you - and it goes back to my advise on dessert / after
dinner snack. It's got to be the MOST COMMON misconception I
hear and see. That eating after 9 p.m. will cause weight
gain.
This is not true. Your metabolism doesn't suddenly slow down
at night or when you sleep. MSN health calls this
"a common myth". It's mainly how much you eat
(not when you eat) in a given day that affects weight gain.
Many people eat at night out of boredom or other emotions
instead of hunger. I'm talking to you Mister Two Pints of Ben
& Jerry's in one sitting. You may LOOK mindless staring at the
television screen with the lights out in your apartment but that
doesn't mean you have to be a zombie.If you order a Dominos
pizza for yourself at night, it's those pasta bowls that are
packing on your pounds, not the fact that you ate it after 9 pm.
Capisce? Hope you learned a thing or two, but more importantly,
as I am FARRRRRR from perfect, I'd love to get some comments /
emails re: your own advice on being productive and healthier
and how to consume less.
In my more svetle days from one year ago.
